Relational Mindfulness


Consider the items you do not always do well

and pick one each day to focus on:


• I wait for others to finish their sentence before deciding how to reply.

• I approach important listening situations by clearing my mind and

     taking steps to prevent interruptions or distractions.

• I do not engage in other activities (e.g., opening mail, working on the          

     computer) while I am listening.

• I resist the temptation to assume I know what others will say and then

     tune out as a result.

• I never finish sentences for others when they stumble or pause.

• I avoid letting my prejudices cause me to tune out.

• I avoid tuning out others when they say things that I do not agree with

     or do not want to hear.

• I resist forming a rebuttal in my mind while others are talking.

• I try to pay attention to nonverbal cues such as voice, tone, posture,

     and pace.

• I willingly ask people to repeat themselves or clarify a point.

• I avoid fidgeting when people speak too slowly or when their

     conversation becomes boring.

• I work hard not to dwell on aspects of others that have no bearing on

     the conversation (clothing, mannerisms, etc.).

• I resist daydreaming when others are talking.

• I avoid using the same response repeatedly (e.g., “right,” “uh-huh”) in

     place of really listening.

• I watch the tendency to use body language that does not encourage


• I resist the need to fill the silence.

Click here to return to

Contemplative page

relational mindfulness skill builders

(listening tools attributed to Portland State University)*